I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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