corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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