Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
