you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize