i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
