White coat. Heels.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
