I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
