I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
