Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
