New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
