Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
