I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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