I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
