In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
