there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
