people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
