apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
