I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
