i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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