Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
