Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
