Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
