he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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