then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
