Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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