Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
