i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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