This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
