I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
