i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
