Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
