I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
