Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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