she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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