Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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