I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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