i was born a porn star she said
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
