so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I enjoy the company of your penis
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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