my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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