Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
