good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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