Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
