wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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