I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
