i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
