I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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