he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
