Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize