i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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