White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Randomize
