K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
