she was so not down for the gang bang
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
