i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
