Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
