Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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