so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I am one with the molecules
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
