OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
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