i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
