ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
