oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
