last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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