fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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