Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
