this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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