i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
