we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
