So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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