watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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