Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
