i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We have started to decorate penises.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
