I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
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OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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