we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
