Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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